


Tales of Loss

by elletromil



Series: You still wish... [2]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-17
Updated: 2012-12-17
Packaged: 2017-11-21 08:06:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/595423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are selfish and you don’t ever want your stories to be of loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tales of Loss

You wonder whether you’re asleep or going mad. It is one or the other because it sure cannot be real.  
They want you on a quest where you are most likely to die in horrible ways? What self-respecting Hobbit would embark on such a journey?  
You have never so much as left the Shire, what good would you be to them?  
Their song steals your breath, brings dreams of yet unlived adventures to your night. It tempts you to be braver than you truly are; it tries to awake a part of you that does not exist.  
The harsh light of morning and the peaceful silence quickly chase those dreams away.  
You never were an adventurer.

*

But you are a dreamer.

*

You regret it almost instantly.  
You do not have your place amongst them. Gandalf may hold some faith in you, but it is of poor comfort when most of the company does not share this belief.  
It would console you that Thorin had not place a bet against your coming, but neither did he place one in your favor.

*

You don’t understand why his opinion matters.

*

It’s not really that bad, if you exclude Fili and Kili’s teasing. And even so, you can see their words do not hold any real malice.  
You would enjoy yourself more if it were not for the dangers that you’ve been reassured lies ahead of your journey. If nothing else, their tales are better than your books even if you would never tell them. Not because of some misplaced stubbornness or any similar nonsense, but because you do not think it would be tactful.  
Their tales are the tales of their people; they are their own life tales. They speak of a nameless loss, one you wish never to experience. They speak of so many hardships, more than you thought could be true outside of your books.  
So you listen respectfully, slowly understanding that you know nothing of the world.

*

You feel his gaze upon you and you wonder what tale he would choose to share if he were so inclined.

*

You would be glad the Dwarves surrendered for you if only you did not know it was all fruitless.  
Have you died then or now, what difference does it make?  
You are no warrior; you are not even a burglar. You are but a liability to the company and they will all pay with their lives the madness that made you follow them.  
And mad you must be to try and fool the Trolls with mere words.  
But it works.  
You would be pleased if you did not know it was only luck.

*

You are starting to believe he does not like you.

*

You wish you could take back the words, but it is too late. However true they can be, to speak them was cruel.  
To know you could so carelessly hurt others that have welcomed you amongst their company, however how reluctantly for some, reveals what kind of Hobbit you truly are.  
At that moment, you would not be your own friend.  
Your place is not here, or so the weight of his gaze on you in the dark seems to tell you.  
It is better you leave.

*

You will never know if you would really have.

*

You know he does not like you much, yet it still hurts that he thinks so lowly of you. But it is not like you could hold it against him, not with the doubts you have yourself. Maybe it is a just retribution for those horrible things you said.  
Nevertheless, you do not want him to think of you as a coward. This is not how you want to be remembered. You may never be a warrior; you may never have your own tales of loss, but you are not a coward.  
You can be of help, even if it’s only by bringing this company the luck that have seemed to cling to you since the beginning.  
You want to hear how their tales may sound when they take a flavor of victory.

*

His astounded look hurts even more.

*  
You do not know what come upon you.  
By all means, you should be paralyzed with dread or else even faint.  
You should be doing anything, anything but fly to the rescue of the Dwarf who so much despises you. If you are not a warrior, you are even less a hero.  
It does not change the fact you are charging the Orc that is about to take Thorin life.  
You may know nothing of the outside world, but you know yourself.  
You are selfish and you don’t ever want your stories to be of loss.

*

It seems Lady Luck loves you.

*

You think your heart will shatter because he still does not accept you. After everything you have done, all things that you’ve done without even really thinking them through, Thorin has no respect for you.  
And you understand in that moment why his opinion matters.  
You ponder what is worst between rejection and loss.  
You never come to a conclusion because his arms are around you and he’s clearly not the only one who has been wrong.

*

You still wish none of your stories were of loss.

**Author's Note:**

> So here's a companion fic to The Best warriors.  
> Hope you like it and please tell me if there is any mistake so I can correct it ^^


End file.
